Therapy for People-Pleasing in MA & NY
Am I struggling with people-pleasing?
Do you worry about how someone will react when you say ‘no’?
Do you place people’s wants and needs before your own, even if it goes against what you feel within yourself?
Do you feel resentful when you do things for others, then immediately feel guilty?
Do you find it difficult to put yourself first?
These feelings can be overwhelming and you may be wondering if therapy might be right for you.
You may have been experiencing symptoms of anxiety or depression related to these thoughts. A constant sense of worry or dread, guilt, or feelings of anxiety when it comes to certain events or having to say no.
Your Days May Look Like This…
You wake up and immediately answer any emails or texts on your phone. A friend asks you to meet on a different day and you say yes, even though that was the day you were hoping to use for yourself. You cover a meeting for a coworker, even though you already have several of your own projects to finish. You find yourself over-apologizing about everything, to everyone, even the chair you bumped into. You have a difficult time talking to your partner about what it is you need, afraid that you’ll be a burden or that it’ll be asking too much.
It is possible to be free of People-Pleasing
There isn’t anything wrong with doing things for others. In fact, it’s very human to be altruistic and help others.
When it comes to people-pleasing, we find ourselves overusing this innate ability, overtaxing ourselves, and stretching ourselves too thin, in order to make other people happy, often at our own expense.
We can find ourselves feeling exhausted, anxious, maybe even resentful, and we might not be sure what we can do to remedy this.
That’s where I come in.
Using evidenced based practices, we can work together to help better understand your people-pleasing and how to address it properly.
What can therapy provide for me?
We’ll work together to explore what your concerns are and set realistic goals to help address those concerns. After an initial, thorough assessment, we’ll talk about how you would want things to look or feel different to you in your life.
We’ll explore assertive communication and boundary setting techniques, thought reframing skills, and explore some of the deeper contributing factors to your people-pleasing that we can incorporate into your therapeutic journey together.
I still have some concerns…
Isn’t people-pleasing just being nice? Why would I stop doing that?
People-pleasing is different than kindness or altruism. When we’re being kind, we’re doing it freely. Often, people-pleasing stems from a worry that there will be conflict if you say no to something or you’ll be seen as a burden if you ask for something. It’s a defense mechanism.
I’m afraid that I’ll lose my relationships if I stop people-pleasing.
This is an extremely valid concern that many people have when it comes to exploring ways in which their people-pleasing is negatively impacting their life. And yes, you may see changes in your relationships when you begin to work on people-pleasing less. This is not a guarantee but it is possible that your relationships will shift and change in your life as you shift and change as a person. Ultimately, it’s important for you to decide what works best for you.
Is it possible to stop people-pleasing?
Yes, it is absolutely possible to stop people-pleasing. In therapy, we’ll explore together ways in which you can learn assertive communication skills, boundary setting skills, and self-advocacy. This isn’t about going from being extremely flexible to extremely rigid, it’s about finding balance in your life, your relationships, and within yourself. It will take time and effort, but it’s possible to get there.